In many societies, marriage is traditionally understood as a lifelong commitment. Couples are expected to remain together until one partner dies, and divorce may be discouraged or treated as a serious failure.
But this is not the only way human societies have understood marriage.
In some communities, marriage has historically been more flexible. A couple may separate when the relationship no longer works, a woman may form relationships without establishing a permanent shared household, or a marriage may be recognised as a social arrangement that can change over time.
These traditions do not necessarily mean that people take relationships lightly or avoid commitment. They reflect different ideas about family, love, property, children, gender roles and the purpose of marriage.
One important distinction is that a marriage that can end is not the same as a society where marriage is considered meaningless or temporary. Many communities have strong expectations about loyalty and family responsibilities, even when separation or new partnerships are accepted.
1. What does it mean when marriage is not considered lifelong?
In some cultures, marriage is understood as a permanent bond that should continue regardless of the difficulties a couple experiences. Divorce may be strongly discouraged because marriage is viewed as a religious duty, a family commitment or a lifelong promise.
Other societies have historically approached marriage differently.
A marriage may be recognised as an important relationship without being expected to last forever. If the relationship breaks down, the couple may separate and eventually establish new partnerships.
In other cases, people may form romantic and sexual relationships without creating a conventional marriage or moving into a shared household.
Anthropologists study these differences because marriage is not one universal institution. Its rules, expectations and meanings vary across societies.
The following examples illustrate some of these arrangements.
2. The Mosuo of China: Walking marriages and relationships without a shared household
Among the most widely discussed examples are the Mosuo, an ethnic group living around Lugu Lake in southwestern China, near the border between Yunnan and Sichuan provinces.
The Mosuo are particularly known for a traditional relationship arrangement commonly called walking marriage, or tisese in some descriptions.
In this arrangement, a man visits the home of a woman with whom he has a romantic relationship, usually at night, and returns to his own maternal family household in the morning.
Unlike conventional marriage arrangements, the couple does not necessarily establish a permanent shared home.
The woman continues living with her mother, sisters, brothers and other relatives. Any children she has are raised within her maternal household, with support from her wider family.
This is connected to the Mosuo’s traditionally matrilineal family structure. Matrilineal means that family identity, descent and inheritance are traced through the mother’s line.
The woman’s family therefore remains the main household responsible for raising children and managing property. Her romantic partner does not automatically become the head of a new household.
Research published in Frontiers in Psychology in 2022 describes how children in traditional Mosuo households are raised with their mothers, maternal uncles, grandmothers and other maternal relatives. Men also have important responsibilities as brothers and maternal uncles within their own families. [1]
The relationship can continue as long as both partners wish. If they no longer want to see each other, they can stop the visits without necessarily going through a formal divorce.
However, it is important to understand that walking marriage is not simply conventional marriage with an easy divorce. Traditionally, it is a different kind of relationship arrangement, often without the formal marriage contract or shared household associated with other societies.
Modern Mosuo life is also changing. Tourism, education, economic development, intermarriage and government policies have influenced relationship and family practices. Not every Mosuo person follows the traditional arrangement today. [2]
3. The Himba of Namibia: Divorce and remarriage can be relatively common
The Himba are a pastoralist community living mainly in Namibia’s Kunene region and parts of southwestern Angola.
They are known for their livestock-based way of life, distinctive cultural practices and extended family relationships.
Research among Himba pastoralists has documented a relatively flexible approach to romantic partnerships, divorce and remarriage.
Although first marriages are often arranged by parents or relatives, the couple can have a degree of choice. Both partners can leave the marriage or refuse to establish the relationship.
Subsequent marriages are often based on the couple’s own romantic preferences.
A study published in 2022 examined partner preferences and relationship formation in a rural Himba community. It described divorce as common and relatively easy to initiate, with both men and women having considerable influence over their relationship decisions. The study also documented informal partnerships alongside formal marriages. [3]
Another study published in Social Sciences in 2021 described how Himba women can initiate divorce and how remarriage is often based on personal choice. It also examined the acceptance of relationships outside formal marriage and the ways families support children from different unions. [4]
This does not mean that every Himba marriage is casual or that couples do not value commitment. It means that separation and the formation of new relationships have historically been more socially accepted in the communities studied than in societies where divorce carries severe stigma.
The Himba example also challenges the assumption that arranged marriage and personal choice cannot exist together. A marriage may begin through family arrangements, but the individuals involved can still have the ability to leave.
4. The Akan of Ghana: Historical evidence of relatively easy divorce
Among the Akan of Ghana, historical anthropological accounts describe divorce as relatively easy, with either the husband or wife able to initiate it.
The eHRAF World Cultures summary for the Akan, maintained by Yale University’s Human Relations Area Files, explains that traditional marriage could be established through a relatively simple exchange involving drinks and money presented by the groom to the bride’s immediate family.
The summary also records that divorce could be initiated by either partner. Adultery and the inability to have children were among the reasons historically associated with marital separation in the communities described. [5]
This is an interesting example because it shows that the idea of marriage as a relationship that can end is not limited to distant societies or communities outside Africa.
However, the source is an anthropological summary of historical research, not a description of every Akan community in Ghana today.
Contemporary Akan families have different religious beliefs, legal arrangements and personal expectations. Some regard marriage as a lifelong commitment, while others accept divorce and remarriage.
The historical evidence simply shows that marriage and divorce expectations have not always been identical across generations.
5. The Kanuri of northern Nigeria: Divorce without the same level of social stigma
The Kanuri are an ethnic group with a long history in the Lake Chad region, particularly in northeastern Nigeria and neighbouring countries.
An anthropological study by Ronald Cohen, published in the American Anthropologist in 1961, examined marriage instability among the Kanuri of northern Nigeria.
The research identified several reasons for relatively high divorce rates in the communities studied.
One important factor was the absence of strong moral sanctions against divorce. In other words, divorce was not necessarily treated as a behaviour that brought severe social disgrace.
The study also noted that divorced women had socially recognised roles within the community. This made it possible for women to continue their lives after a marriage ended. [6]
The research was conducted in the 1950s and should not be treated as a complete description of present-day Kanuri communities.
It also highlighted inequalities between men and women. Although divorce was socially recognised, the wider society remained patriarchal, meaning that men generally held greater authority in important areas of family and social life.
The example demonstrates that a society can accept divorce without necessarily having complete gender equality.
6. The Enga of Papua New Guinea: Changing attitudes towards trial marriages and separation
The Enga are an Indigenous people of the highlands of Papua New Guinea.
Marriage among the Enga has traditionally been connected to family relationships, bridewealth exchanges, household responsibilities and the social obligations created between relatives.
However, research published in 2023 examined how marriage and family institutions have changed in an Enga community.
The study, titled When Marital Institutions Break Down: Impact and Adaptation among the Enga of Papua New Guinea, describes changes in attitudes towards divorce, remarriage, cohabitation and relationships formed without completing all traditional marriage requirements.
The researchers found that relationships that were once more heavily stigmatised, including informal unions and separation, had become increasingly accepted in the community they studied.
The study describes a shift towards accepting de facto unions and what it calls trial marriages. A de facto union is a relationship in which a couple lives together as partners without necessarily having completed a formal or customary marriage process. [7]
This does not mean the traditional importance of marriage has disappeared. Bridewealth and formal marriage arrangements continue to hold cultural significance.
Rather, the example shows how communities can retain traditional marriage ideals while adapting to changing economic and social circumstances.
7. Some communities recognise relationships that can end without formal divorce
Not every society with flexible relationships has a conventional marriage system that allows easy divorce.
The Mosuo example illustrates a different possibility: romantic relationships may exist without the couple entering a formal marriage or creating a shared household.
This distinction is important.
In a conventional marriage, two people may need to go through a recognised process to end their union. In a walking relationship, the partners may simply stop visiting each other.
This can make the relationship structure more flexible, but it also means that responsibilities such as child support, property ownership and household maintenance are organised differently.
Among traditional Mosuo families, children are primarily raised within their mother’s extended household. The mother’s relatives, particularly maternal uncles, play important roles in their upbringing. [1, 2]
It would therefore be misleading to describe the Mosuo system simply as a culture where people marry and divorce whenever they want. Their traditional relationship structure is organised around a different understanding of household and family life.
8. Why do some communities accept divorce and changing relationships more easily?
There is no single explanation. Several social and economic factors can influence whether a community views marriage as permanent or accepts separation as part of family life.
A. Strong extended family support
In communities where extended families provide substantial support, people who leave a marriage may have somewhere to go.
A divorced woman, for example, may return to her parents’ household or receive help from her brothers, sisters and other relatives.
This can make separation less economically difficult than it would be in a society where a married couple is expected to live independently and rely mainly on each other.
The traditional Mosuo household provides a clear example. Because women remain within their maternal families, their social and economic connections do not depend entirely on their romantic partners. [1, 2]
B. Women’s access to family property and inheritance
Women’s ability to leave a marriage can be influenced by whether they have access to property, land, income and family support.
In some matrilineal societies, women maintain strong connections to their maternal relatives and family resources after marriage.
This can give them greater independence when a relationship ends.
Research among Himba pastoralists has examined how inheritance arrangements and women’s connections to their maternal families relate to their ability to make decisions about marriage, separation and remarriage. [3, 4]
C. Different beliefs about the purpose of marriage
Not every society understands marriage primarily as a permanent romantic relationship.
In some communities, marriage is strongly connected to the creation of a household, the raising of children, the joining of families or the management of property.
Where a relationship ends, people may believe that the couple can separate while continuing to fulfil certain family responsibilities.
Other societies place greater emphasis on the lifelong religious or spiritual meaning of marriage.
These differences influence how people understand divorce and remarriage.
D. Less social stigma surrounding divorce
Social stigma refers to the negative judgement or shame that a community attaches to a particular behaviour or group of people.
In some societies, divorced people may face criticism, exclusion or difficulties finding new partners.
In others, divorce is more widely accepted, and people can remarry without being treated as socially unsuccessful.
The historical Kanuri study, for example, identified the absence of strong moral sanctions against divorce as one factor associated with marital instability. [6]
Where divorce is socially accepted, people may be less likely to remain in marriages that have broken down simply to avoid public judgement.
E. Changing economic and social conditions
Education, urbanisation, employment, migration and exposure to different lifestyles can influence marriage expectations.
People may increasingly expect to choose their own partners, decide where to live and determine whether a relationship should continue.
These changes can affect both traditional and modern marriage systems.
The research on the Enga of Papua New Guinea demonstrates how changing attitudes towards cohabitation, divorce and remarriage can occur even in communities where traditional marriage arrangements remain culturally important. [7]
9. Does accepting divorce mean people do not value marriage?
No.
This is one of the biggest misconceptions about communities where divorce is relatively common or where relationships are more flexible.
A society can value marriage while also recognising that some marriages do not work.
For example, a community may expect couples to treat each other respectfully, raise their children responsibly and fulfil family obligations. However, it may not insist that they remain together when the relationship has ended.
Similarly, a community that allows remarriage does not necessarily consider the first marriage unimportant.
The difference is often in how people understand the responsibilities that remain after separation.
In some societies, divorce may end the marital relationship but not the responsibilities of parents towards their children.
In others, extended families may continue supporting children even when their biological parents establish new relationships.
The important point is that marriage, parenting and family responsibility do not always depend on the same arrangements.
10. Are there disadvantages to more flexible marriage arrangements?
Yes. Flexible relationship systems can provide individuals with more freedom, but they can also create challenges.
| Possible benefits | Possible challenges |
|---|---|
| People may leave relationships that have become unhappy or harmful. | Frequent changes in partnerships can create uncertainty for some families. |
| Individuals may have greater freedom to choose new partners. | New relationships can sometimes lead to disputes involving former partners. |
| Divorced people may face less social stigma. | The level of acceptance may differ between men and women. |
| Extended families can provide support after separation. | Family responsibilities may become complicated when several households are involved. |
| Children may continue receiving support from relatives beyond their parents. | Children may experience conflict or instability if adults do not manage separation responsibly. |
| People may have more opportunities to establish relationships that suit their circumstances. | Property, inheritance and financial responsibilities may become difficult to resolve. |
It is important not to assume that every flexible marriage arrangement produces these outcomes. Much depends on the rights of the individuals involved, the strength of family support and the rules governing children and property.
11. Myths vs facts about cultures with flexible marriage traditions
| Myth or claim | What the evidence shows |
|---|---|
| These communities do not believe in love or commitment. | False. People can value love and commitment while accepting that relationships may end. |
| Every member of these communities divorces easily. | False. Individual experiences and family expectations differ. |
| The Mosuo practise ordinary marriage but divorce without paperwork. | False. Traditional walking relationships are structurally different from conventional marriage. |
| Women in every community with high divorce rates have complete freedom. | False. Social acceptance of divorce does not automatically mean gender equality. |
| Arranged marriages cannot end in divorce. | False. Research among Himba pastoralists documents arranged first marriages alongside the possibility of separation. |
| Divorce means parents no longer have responsibilities towards their children. | False. Parental and extended-family responsibilities may continue after separation. |
| These traditions have remained unchanged. | False. Tourism, education, migration, religion and economic changes have influenced relationship practices in many communities. |
| A high divorce rate means a society has no respect for marriage. | False. Divorce rates alone cannot explain how a society values marriage or family responsibility. |
Bottom line
Marriage has never had exactly the same meaning in every society. While some communities understand it as a lifelong commitment, others have developed traditions that allow couples to separate, remarry or form relationships without establishing conventional permanent households.
The Mosuo of China demonstrate how romantic relationships can exist without a shared household or conventional marriage contract. Himba communities in Namibia provide an example of a society where divorce and remarriage have been relatively accepted. Historical research among the Akan of Ghana and Kanuri of northern Nigeria also shows that divorce has not always carried the same social stigma everywhere.
These examples challenge the assumption that every society must follow one model of marriage. They also show that the way people understand love, commitment, family and separation is shaped by culture, history, economic conditions and social organisation.
Disclaimer: This article is for general educational and informational purposes only. It does not replace professional advice relevant to individual circumstances. If you notice an error or would like to send feedback or corrections, please contact us.
References
- [1] The Relationship Between Children and Their Maternal Uncles: A Unique Parenting Mode in Mosuo Culture, Frontiers in Psychology (2022)
- [2] Kinship Underlies Costly Cooperation in Mosuo Villages, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (2018)
- [3] The Effect of Mating Market Dynamics on Partner Preference and Relationship Quality Among Himba Pastoralists, Proceedings of the Royal Society B (2022)
- [4] The Role of Spousal Separation on Norms Related to Gender and Sexuality Among Himba Pastoralists, Social Sciences (2021)
- [5] Akan Culture Summary, eHRAF World Cultures, Yale University
- [6] Marriage Instability Among the Kanuri of Northern Nigeria, Ronald Cohen, American Anthropologist (1961), eHRAF World Cultures
- [7] When Marital Institutions Break Down: Impact and Adaptation Among the Enga of Papua New Guinea
